U Joke

Nov 20, 2010 By Youngzine Members

Jokes By Kidsgreat free widgetsWidgetboxMore info

This is a growing collection of jokes submitted by Youngzine members, and one (updated daily) from kids around the world.

Do you know a good joke? Share it with everyone below! Also, feel free to comment on others' jokes!

Note: Please write it in your own words, rather than copy the text from somewhere.

Also, do not repeat jokes that have been said before. You can look back at all previous ones. New and different jokes keep it interesting for the readers!

2,074 comments

Comments

Armaan March 7, 2011 - 9:38pm

Good idea. I do it, sometimes.

Ian March 5, 2011 - 10:48am

Mother: "I've told you once, I've told you a million times, do NOT exaggerate!!!"

Matthew14 March 10, 2011 - 2:00pm

Ha ha ha! Mom always says that to my younger siblings.

Jacki March 10, 2011 - 5:04am

Haha! Took me a few minutes to get that one.

Kiwi_BJ February 20, 2011 - 11:06am

What is your tongue's best friend? Taste buds!

Armaan February 15, 2011 - 8:26pm

A blonde and a brunette fell out a plane. Which hit the ground first? The brunette, since the blonde had to stop and ask for directions. HAHA!!!

Jacki March 10, 2011 - 5:08am

Good one. But not all blondes are dumb!

Armaan March 15, 2011 - 8:06pm

I know.

Sri February 13, 2011 - 8:00pm

Best Mubarak Jokes: Obama: Mubarak, it's time to say goodbye to the people of Egypt Mubarak: Really? Where are they going? Mubarak shut down the Internet. The Internet did the same to him.

Kiwi_BJ April 25, 2012 - 4:59pm

haha

AnikaP July 13, 2011 - 10:45am

Actually it's impossible to use a pencil in space because of the gravity and it would fly off and poke someone's eye out.

Armaan February 8, 2011 - 6:09pm

Do you know birds can't swallow upside-down, but we can?

Genna February 7, 2011 - 2:44pm

a blond, a bruette and a red head are stranded on an island, it's 100 miles to land, so the red head jumps in the water, swims 25mi. gets tired and drowns. the brunette swims 50mi. get tired and drowns. the blond swims 99mi. gets tired and swims back.

Wishmouse85-cat April 17, 2020 - 8:24am

What!?!?!?!?!?! the blonde should have kept going! the blonde was 1 mile away and swam 99 miles instead to go back. Also, an island IS land.

Matthew14 February 21, 2011 - 11:17am

I think I get it.

Armaan February 8, 2011 - 6:08pm

Ha ha!

Nikhil_2 February 5, 2011 - 9:35pm

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and George W. Bush are set to be killed by firing squad at sunrise. Bill is up first. He ponders what to do. Then, as the order to shoot is given, he yells, "Earthquake!" The squad falls into a panic and Bill escapes over a wall. Hillary is up next. She ponders what her husband has done. As the order is given once again to shoot, she yells, "Twister!" The ranks break and Ms. Clinton escapes safely over the wall. Finally is George Bush. He thinks, " OK, I get the pattern here. Just yell out a natural disaster and jump over the wall." Then, as the fateful order is given, he smirks his famous smirk and yells...FIRE!!!!!! What do you think happened next?

Matthew14 February 9, 2011 - 7:43am

Pretty good. Of course, poor George Bush, I like him.

vu12 February 8, 2011 - 3:49pm

OMG that is soooooooooooo funny, I didn't get it till like a minute after I read it

Ryan_3 May 19, 2011 - 4:48pm

Me too, it took me like 5 seconds.

Armaan February 6, 2011 - 8:49pm

Wow! I get it.

Vikshar February 2, 2011 - 6:55pm

A panda walks in a restaurant. He orders a burger, eats, then shoots the waiter dead. The manager yells at the panda "Hey, you've shot my waiter and didn't pay for your burger". The panda yells back "Hey I'm a panda. Look it up"! The manager googles it and finds " A marsupial of Asian origin, distinct black and white color, eats, shoots, and leaves!"

Matthew14 February 3, 2011 - 11:08am

I've heard that before! It's funny how incorrect grammar can lead to these problems!

vu12 February 4, 2011 - 8:33pm

Did you know there is a book called eats, shoots, and leave, it is really funny cause it shows what problems bad grammar can lead to.

Jacki February 7, 2011 - 7:37am

Yes! I've read that book. It's super funny if you are a grammar geek.

Matthew14 February 5, 2011 - 3:50pm

Yep. I've heard it's very funny.

Nikhil_2 February 5, 2011 - 9:31pm

Ha ha ha, that's really funny Vikshar! Good one!

Ian February 1, 2011 - 6:10am

There was once a visiting pastor who was going to preach at a local church. When he and his wife got there the deacon had already started offering the morning prayer. The pastor whispered to his wife, "You go in the front door. I'll slip up to the platform and say amen to the deacon's prayer." The wife went in and one of the ushers saw her and thought she was a stranger who might join the church. He treated her royally, and escorted her to the best seat he could find. After the service, he rushed up to her and said, "We're delighted you came-we hope you'll come again-but please don't think we have such poor preaching all the time."

Matthew14 February 8, 2011 - 5:45am

Great one, Ian!

Ian February 1, 2011 - 6:01am

Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at a drive-in movie? He came to see "closed for the season".

Kiwi_BJ January 31, 2011 - 6:57pm

What do you call a detective that has solved very little mysteries?Sherlack Holmes!

mmakhlouf January 20, 2011 - 3:14pm

A man yelled help! Help! My mother in law wants to jump out of a window. A man said why are you so worried. He said because the window won't open.

Kiwi_BJ May 7, 2012 - 2:10pm

Doesn't seem to like his mother-in-law.

Matthew14 January 21, 2011 - 10:17am

Keep with mother in law.

Armaan January 20, 2011 - 6:29pm

it works better with sister, not mother in law

Armaan January 20, 2011 - 6:28pm

i get it!

Arjun January 13, 2011 - 8:38pm

Jake: Does your face hurt? John: No. Jake: It's killing me.

Matthew14 January 14, 2011 - 9:02am

Ha ha!! Poor John!

Ian January 12, 2011 - 11:32am

A student asked his teacher, "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?". The teacher said, "Of course not.". Then the student replied: "Okay, I didn't do my homework."

Angelina October 2, 2017 - 6:14am

Well that can actually fit in real life , good one brother

Matthew14 January 14, 2011 - 1:11pm

I'm going to use that one day. Great one, Ian!

Arjun January 13, 2011 - 8:36pm

My friend cracked that joke to my math teacher when he forgot to do his homework. It's a classic!

Sammy02 January 14, 2011 - 3:08am

Agree! It's an epic!

Sammy02 January 14, 2011 - 3:07am

If that's a compliment, thanks a lot!

Sammy02 January 7, 2011 - 11:14pm

A lady loses her job and comes home. She says, "I have lost my job. No salary any more. I wish money grew on trees!" Her daughter says, "Well, yes they grow" Mother says,"Dear, it's not time to crack jokes, obviously money doesn't grow on trees." Daughter says,"Then why do they say that banks have branches?"

Armaan March 15, 2011 - 8:04pm

Haha.

Sammy02 January 5, 2011 - 3:15am

How did the telephone propose to the lady? Ans-By giving her a ring.

Angelina September 22, 2017 - 8:11pm

Sammy you are a joker , I love your joke

Sammy02 January 5, 2011 - 3:13am

Why did the man with one hand cross the road? Ans- To reach the second hand shop.

Angelina September 23, 2017 - 11:15pm

You always has good jokes ,Sammy,

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